Cheap Seats

"Crow T. Robot: You know, this is just a great idea - a cable show where you make fun of other people's videos."

"Crow T. Robot: "These guys are Smurfs, right?""

"Mike Nelson: "With any luck at all, Gamera will come down and smite them both.""

"Randy: The world's most overzealous graphics department."

"Jason: Nothing says quality sport quite like a hyphen."

"Randy: "Remember, if it's raining outside, if you got a firearm in your hand, and diabetes is impairing your vision, for God's sake, wear a hat.""

"Jason and Randy: TILE PILE!"

"Jason: "Hey everybody, welcome to Cheap Seats.""

"Randy: "You know why Willie Randoplh is such a good hitter, he always hit the ball where the sun don't shine.""

"Jason: "And to anyone who says that these players dog it at the All-Star game take a look at that throw by Parker. Almost all the way to the infield.""

"Jason: "Somebody at first base is taking the game a little too seriously.""

"Jason: "Do you hear helicopters?""

"Jason: "Why is Welch paying so much attention to the runner? It's an All-Star game.""

"Randy: "Oh Willie this is almost as embarrassing as Robert Wuhl sat on Comic Relief 8.""

"Randy: "Did Garvey have to actually smack him in the face?""

"Randy: (Doing the voice of a regular guy in the dug out) "Hey man if I wanna run out there and take my pants off you got my back right?""

"Jason: "Dodger Stadium is packed.""

"Randy: "There goes the bat.""

"Randy: "Feel like this at bat started at last year's All-Star game.""

"Jason: "Now baseball in the 80's is a sport that featured the greatest mascot in American sports history.""

"Judge: "So what kind of talents do you bring to the table?""

"Randy: "Did the cookie seem racist to you?""

"Jason: "You know I'm just surprised that the Dodger ball boy didn't go into the stands and try to swipe the ball from the guy that just caught it.""

"Jason: (In lower voice) "Some sad news, Griffey's ten year old song Ken Jr. torn his ACL during the father-son catch prior to the game.""

"Jason: "Tommy John? Was this pre or post bionic arm surgery?""

"Al Michaels: "Ken Reitz the batter.""

"Jason: "Ahh Ken Reitz, what's an All-Star game without him?""

"(Reitz hits the ball)"

"Jason: "Oh Willie Randoplh reminding us that fan voting doesn't necessarily put the best players in the All-star game.""

"Audience Member: "I don't care""

"Jason: "You guys wanna take the toothpick out of Winfield's hand and give him a real bat?""

"Randy: "Did the White Sox uniform come with a sport coat that year?""

"Keith Jackson: "But the first time he's been a leader not necessarily a follower.""

"Jason: "Do you think Hernandez and Reitz have mustache contests in the Cardinal's clubhouse?""

"Al Michaels: "Ed Farmer, 6'5".""

"Randy: "I bet you Hernandez gets a hit off Farmer. Who wants to bet me? Anybody?""

"(Hernandez's hit hit's farmer on the ankle)"

"Randy: "All-Star, bases loading, Pete Rose at the plate. What are the odds?! Seriously what are the odds. Call Danny Sheridan.""

"Jason: "And sadly that at bat would cost Rose his rightful place in Cooper's Town.""

"Randy: "Welcome back to Cheap Seats. Now you've seen the complete mascot auditions now it's time to see the shocking conclusion.""

"Jason: "Guys it was a tough decision but we're going to have to go with The Cookie.""

"Randy: "I think The Cookie got shanked at the end there.""

"Randy: "Darrell Porter, the Willie Randolph of catchers.""

"Randy: "Wasn't Phil Garder in Gangs Of New York?""

"Jason: "When Ray Knight starts stealing off you. You might want to consider the quick pitch.""

"Randy: "A lot people don't know this but Phil Garner is Jennifer Garner's father.""

"Randy: "John Kibler is the umpire behind the plate.""

"(Next pitch)"

"Randy: "Is that a scoreboard or your typical desktop computer in 1980?""

"Randy: "Alright, before we go it's time to bring out our new Cheap Seats mascot...""