F.A.T.A.L.

"For instance, assume you are an adventuring knight who has just fought his way to the top of a dark tower where you find a comely young maiden chained to the wall. What would you do? Some players may choose to simply free the maiden out of respect for humanity. Others may free her while hoping to win her heart. Instead of seeking affection, some may talk to her to see if they can collect a reward for her safe return. Then again, others may be more interested in negotiating freedom for fellatio. Some may think she has no room to bargain and take their fleshly pleasures by force. Others would rather kill her, dismember her young cadaver, and feast on her warm innards."

"Human men call [Anakim] females Hourglasses. Human men call males Raptors. Human women call females Demon-whores. Human women call males Skinloaf or Stovepiper (due to their Manhood)"

"Bugbears call [Humans] Poople, not people. Dwarves and elves call them Corruptians. Kobolds call them Slavs (slaves). Ogres call them Ribbers (human ribs taste so good)."

"Casting this spell allows the caster to choose the location of the sphere. Everything within this sphere at the time of casting will instantaneously lose any and all reproductive fluids for 1 hour. Affected males lose (2d10)% of their Drive sub-ability points for the duration of the spell and unless under duress, feel compelled to sleep."

"Casting this spell causes the Manhood of the creature seen during casting to seem to have no affliction during daily life, but if it impregnates a woman, then it causes the child to have birth defects such as deformity or disease. The exact nature of the birth defect is determined by the Aedile [ game master ]. If, however, a character with a Pestilential Penis impregnates a character with a pestilential pudendum (see the Pestilential Pudenda spell below), then the result will be determined by 1d100: 01-50 = healthy, normal child, 51-100 = born dead."

"Casting this spell requires the target creature to be touched successfully. If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap, 8: Skills). If successful, then the target creature will orgasm without end and for eternity. As good as a neverending orgasm sounds, a creature is incapable of remaining alive while experiencing a Perpetual Orgasm. For the first 1-2 minutes, the effects of this spell will seem like the greatest blessing to the target creature. Thereafter, survival depends on the sub-ability of Health. Every minute after the initial 1-2 minutes necessitates a Health sub-ability check. The check must be passed to remain alive. Initially, the check is TH 14. However, the TH increases by 2 per minute. The target creature will die of a heart attack. However, even after death, their corpse continues to orgasm. To an observer, it will seem as though the corpse convulses from the hips. Casters often chuckle, thinking that if you have to die, what a way to go."

"Casting this spell causes 1 orifice of the touched target creature to function as both an anus and a mouth. For example, in nature a starfish is Oroanal - it eats and defecates through the same orifice. The target creature must be touched successfully. If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap, 8: Skills). If the caster successfully touches the target creature, then either the (01-50%) anus or the (51-100%) mouth becomes an Oroanal orifice. If the anus becomes an Oroanal orifice, then the mouth will become sealed shut; defecation will occur as usual, but food must be shoved into the anus where it will be digested. If the mouth becomes an Oroanal orifice, then the anus will become sealed shut, eating will occur as usual, but defecation emerges from the mouth."

"Whosoever wears this magical condom will notice nothing odd until their Manhood is inserted into a vagina. Once inside, the condom will cause the Manhood to increase in circumference by (2d100)%. It may be necessary to consult Vaginal Circumference Potential and Ripped Orifice in Chapter 2: Body. This enlargement will feel pleasing to the male, but painful to the female. It will be impossible to remove the Manhood from the vagina until after ejaculation."

"Whosoever inserts this magical dildo will somehow become pregnant by it. However, instead of creating a fetus in her womb, this magical dildo creates another magical dildo. It is inanimate and will never kick during pregnancy. When the dildo is born, the mother may die. Birthing a stone dildo requires the mother to pass a Health sub-ability check at TH 24 to live."

"Casting this spell causes a sleeping tanget creature to have a Wet Dream. The target creature must be touched successfully: If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap. 8: Skills). A Wet Dream is a dream of sexual desire. For the duration of the spell, the target creature will have an intense sexual dream that is immensely satisfying, For each round that the target creature has a magical Wet Dream, their Manhood or vagina will seep 1 fluid ounce of pre-cum or vaginal wetness, respectively. For each round of a magical Wet Dream, the target creature has a cumulative 1% chance of ejaculating or having an orgasm. When the spell ends, the target creature will awaken and notice wetness."

"Whosoever wears this cloak will sexually crave themselves and attempt to orally tantalize their own genitals, no matter how far away. Upon fastening this cloak, the Manhood of a male becomes erect and throbs. Upon fastening this cloak, the clitoris of a female becomes swollen. Regardless of whether or not the wearer is in public, the wearer will attempt to bend forward and connect their tongue to their excited genitals. The wearer must pass a Health sub-ability check at TH 21 not to break their neck, because the difficulty of this task will cause frustration, which in turn will cause violent attempts to accomplish the task. If the neck of the wearer breaks, then they die. If the Health check is passed, then the character does not break their neck and, due to depression, loses all sexual interest for 1d6 months. This effect occurs each time the cloak is fastened onto a character."

"The target creature must be touched successfully, If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap. 8: Skills). This spell works only on males. Upon successful contact, the next time the target creature ejaculates, normal sperm will not spew forth from his Manhood, but acid. The entire load of magical acid will cause 1 IP or LP of corrosive damage per caster level to whatever or whoever it touches."

"Casting this spell causes the full rejuvenation of a pair of testicles, if fondled gently by the caster. The target creature must be touched successfully. If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap. 8: Skills). When balls are this full, the over-abundance of sperm increases the Drive sub-ability of the target by 2d10, Choleric Temperament by 1d100, and they may also experience restlessness as well as perpetual sexual thoughts. If and when vaginal penetration occurs within 1 day, the use of the ramrod necessitates a roll of 1d100. The mounter is 95% likely to impregnate the female, regardless of species. Due to the misuse of this spell, many new races or species may be bred."

"Whenever the caster becomes invisible, their genitals remain visible."

"Whenever the caster defecates, their intestines fall out of their rump, though still attached."

"Whenever the caster farts, their gas-hole emits a mating call for all insects within 3d100 feet."

"Whenever the nearest male lies, his Manhood grows 1 inch."

"Whenever the target takes a dump, it will be 3d100 feet long, though normal in girth."

"Whenever within 3d10 feet of royalty, the caster must expose their genitals."

"The caster hallucinates that 1,001 erect incubi are chasing them for 3d10 rounds."

"The caster hallucinates that a giant, UI, rabid hare is trying to rape them with his hare-cock."

"The caster hallucinates that all previous dumps will unite for revenge, and might succeed."

"The caster hallucinates that an old dragon is making love to a succubus for 3d10 minutes."

"The caster hallucinates that a pterodactyl just flew over the party and shat on their foot."

"All characters within 3d10 feet become unable to urinate, except while birds are chirping."

"All characters within 3d10 feet consider semen an acceptable currency."

"All males within 3d10 feet must now defecate while ejaculating."

"All previously shat shit of the caster, ever, becomes sentient and tries to return home."

"All males within 3d10 feet can now see in total darkness while erect."

"All males within 3d10 feet now leave Manhood-prints, instead of footprints, where they walk."

"2 gay ogres appear within 3d10 feet and begin butt-plugging as if tomorrow will not exist."

"666 cacodaemons appear within 666 miles and impregnate 666 females in 666 minutes."

"A disembodied, winged Manhood of 3d10 feet appears within 3d10 feet, and it is horny."

"A gerbil escapes from the target’s rump. All who see this are stunned for 1 round."

"A human male appears, drops his trousers, removes his scrotum, and offers some."

"A scratch n’ sniff magical symbol of a festering vagina appears on the forehead of the target."

"All armor within 3d10 feet shrinks by 50% in size. Characters inside will die of constriction."

"All characters within 3d10 feet become able to hear earthworms crawling."

"All characters within 3d10 feet magically climb the nearest tree and magically fall from the top."

"All characters within 3d10 feet die from lightning bolts from the sky, except the caster."

"All characters within 3d10 feet grow a fully functional tongue from their forehead."

"All characters within 3d10 feet now believe that any character who is taller must die."

"All characters within 3d10 feet now believe that the world is a rhombus."

"All characters within 3d10 feet transmogrify into air and die, but seem to vanish."

"The caster hallucinates that they are an orange and every character is trying to peel them."

"The caster must force broccoli into each ear or they become irate and scream until they can."

"The caster teleports into the cottage of an arguing peasant family."

"The local government actually cares about its citizens for 3d10 hours and tries to help them."

"The nearest king seeks the caster so that they may be thanked, praised, dismembered, and eaten."

"This game attempts to isolate Europe from influences that originate outside it. Therefore, spices from the East are not included, all human characters are Caucasian, zombies are not presumed to exist, and human corpses are burned -- Egyptians invented embalming, and Egypt is outside Europe."