"I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'"

"What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum …"

"I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig."

"But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!""

"And just as he said that a feminist jumped out of a manhole - just jumped up and oh, and she didn't like that. That s…"

"Who photographs kebabs?"

"Three blokes go into a pub. Well, I say three; could be four or five. Could be nine or ten, doesn't matter. Could hav…"

"I am a confectionary-based existentialist."

"Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door."

"(Quoting his three year old son on a James Blunt song) "Daddy, turn it off, it's spoiling my brain""