First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"If I die, I'm going to do it stoned and smiling in my bed."
"Stuart Greer - Sheriff Watts"
"Connie Britton - Victoria Lasseter"
"John Leguizamo - Rose"
"Bill Pullman - Raymond Krueger"
"Tony Hale - Petey Douglas"
"Monique Ganderton - Crane"
"Topher Grace - Adrian Yates"
"Lavell Crawford - Big Harold"
"Hey Phoebe! Phoebe? [[over intercom] Hey Phoebe. I just wanted to say that I love you and that everything is going to be okay. I mean, not perfect, obviously, but better. Like, we'll probably have to get a new house. And also cars. But I'm coming to get you and this will all be over. Soon-ish."
"Kristen Stewart - Phoebe Larson"
"Jesse Eisenberg - Mike Howell"
"Walton Goggins - Laugher"
"Lenny Clarke - Cop"
"Bobby Moynihan - himself"
"Curtis Stigers - Wedding singer"
"Jessica Barth - Tami-Lynn"
"John Slattery - Shep Wild"
"Jay Leno - himself"
"Nana Visitor - Adoption agent"
"Tom Brady - himself"
"Sebastian Arcelus - Dr. Danzer"
"Giovanni Ribisi - Donny"
"Hey, fuck your Chrysler!"
"Mark Wahlberg - John Bennett"
"Amanda Seyfried - Samantha Jackson"
"Morgan Freeman - Patrick Meighan"
"Kate McKinnon - herself"
"Patrick Stewart - Narrator"
"Liam Neeson - Customer"
"Dennis Haysbert - Fertility doctor"
"Jessica Szohr - Allison"
"Tara Strong - Ted's "I Love You" function"
"Cocoa Brown - Joy"
"Taran Killam - himself"
"Patrick Warburton - Guy"
"Michael Dorn - Rick"
"Jimmy Fallon - Himself"
"Ralph Garman - Stormtrooper"
"Bill Smitrovich - Frank"
"John Carroll Lynch - Tom Jessup"
"Ron Canada - Judge Matheson"
"Sittin' out here in a public, jerkin' off? Where do you think you are, Red Lobster?"
"Sam J. Jones - himself"
"Jimmy Kimmel - himself"
"That’s him."
"No! No! I said no Electric Slide! Goddamn it, you will not wreck this night with your forced white people group fun!"
"Seth MacFarlane - Ted"
"Patton Oswalt as Larry Juston/Mall Santa"
"Eddie Kaye Thomas as Andy Rosenberg"