Sandra Bernhard

"My father was a proctologist; my mother was an abstract artist. That's how I view the world."

"Love is the only shocking act left on the face of the earth."

"Madonna's got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being."

"The thing about , the thing about spirituality is that it's your responsibility as a spiritual person to be honest. Sometimes being honest is calling somebody on their bullshit and not standing there and being passive and letting somebody self-destruct. Being spiritual doesn't mean going, `Aw, honey, aw, poor baby' . That's not being spiritual. When somebody needs a kick in the pants, you say get your shit together, asshole. If that's what the situation requires, then that's being spiritual. If laying back and saying nothing is appropriate, that's being spiritual. It's really being completely conscious of each situation, whether it's friendships, whether it's with the world. Since I'm a performer, I have a bigger responsibility to be honest for each situation. It's not in any way counter to my spirituality, au contraire."

"On one side you have book burners, Congressional wives and Pat Robertson. On the other side, you have vulgar comedians, foul-mouthed rap groups and — all your choices should be so easy."