"Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same old, boring magazine everyday. The end". And although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be, I still could not bring myself to put an "A" on top of those beauties. I hope you understand, guys."

"Let's shampoo us some aliens!!"

"[during the second expedition to the meteorite cavern, to Ira about Dr. Reed] All she needs is a good humping. [mocks Reed while "demonstrating" sex] Oh Ira! I-i-i-i-ra ...OOOH IRA!"

"Have a nice end of the world."

"Coming to wipe that silly smile off your planet."

"David Duchovny - Dr. Ira Kane"

"Julianne Moore - Dr. Allison Reed, CDC"

"Orlando Jones - Prof. Harry Phineas Block"

"Seann William Scott - Wayne Grey"

"Ted Levine - General Russell Woodman"

"Dan Aykroyd - Governor Lewis"