Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

"[to Bob] My name's Elvira, but you can call me 'tonight'."

"I didn't know I had a good aunt, let alone a great one."

"Chastity Pariah: Listen, young lady. I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you certainly don't fit in this town. Why, you don't even fit in that dress."

"Elvira: Listen, sister. If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you."

"Bob Redding: I, ah…I can only play G-rated movies."

"Elvira: Oh well, there's nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there's lots of sex and violence."

"Elvira: Bloody Mary."

"Bartender: No hard liquor served past eight o'clock. Do you want a virgin?"

"Elvira: Maybe, but, ah…I'll have a couple of drinks first."

"Patty: Seems to me it's all this cheap little tart's fault."

"Elvira: Cheap? Who are you callin' cheap? What's that perfume you're wearing, Catch of the Day?"

"Patty: Look, honey. I don't know which hole you crawl out of, but I suggest you crawl right back in it, if you know what's good for you."

"Vincent Talbot: I must apologise for my behaviour in the office, it's just that your appearance was a bit of a shock to me."

"Elvira: It's okay. My appearance is kind of a shock to everybody."

"Lesley Meeker: We do have a room. Remember the trucker with the bad skin checked out yesterday?"

"Elvira: I hope you changed the sheets."

"Elvira: [ringing the motel bell] I hate to interrupt this little episode of the Waltons. But can I have room?"

"Mrs. Meeker: Okay, but it's cash up front. I know what you pinko heavy metal weirdos do to motel rooms. I read all about it in the Star."

"Unpleasant dreams..."

"Elvira busts out in her outrageously funny feature film debut!"

"Elvira makes her Big Scream Debut in her Hot New Comedy."

"Here comes Elvira...there goes the neighbourhood!"

"Cassandra Peterson — Elvira and Aunt Morgana Talbot"

"W. Morgan Sheppard — Great-Uncle Vincent Talbot"

"Daniel Greene — Bob Redding"

"Susan Kellermann — Patty"

"Edie McClurg — Chastity Pariah"

"Robert Benedetti — Mr. Calvin Cobb"

"Kurt Fuller — Mr. Glotter"

"Jeff Conaway — Travis"

"William Duell — Lesley Meeker"

"Pat Crawford Brown — Mrs. Meeker"

"Ellen Dunning — Robin Meeker"

"Ira Heiden — Bo (the geek)"

"Tress MacNeille — Anchorwoman and voice of Aunt Morgana Talbot"