Dumb and Dumber

"Life's a fragile thing, Harr. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, and the next minute you're dead meat."

"Hey. Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? [makes a loud, weird noise]"

"[pretends to promote Turbo Lax] One half teaspoon, for fast, effective relief."

"[after dumping Turbo Lax in Harry's tea] To my friend, Harry... the matchmaker."

"(about a passing woman at the preservation society) I'd like to eat her liver with some "farver" beans and a nice bottle of chianti! [he and Harry imitate Hannibal Lecter]"

"Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy."

"[deleted scene] Let me ask you something. Do you want to end up like Petey? Dead? In some flea-ridden apartment? Face down in your own droppings? A soggy sunflower seed pressed against your beak? Come on, Harry! Don't you see what Petey was trying to say to you? You got to take life by the balls! Chew it up and spit it out! Dance to the tune of a different drummer! Spread your wings and fly and run and jump! God, help me!"

"Yeah, I'm heading to Aspen myself. Maybe we could meet up and have some hot chocolate."

"You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!"

"[to Mary, while looking at a pair of owls] Nice set of hooters you got there."

"What the one doesn't have, the other is missing."

"For Harry and Lloyd every day is a no-brainer."

"Jim Carrey — Lloyd Christmas"

"Jeff Daniels — Harry Dunne"

"Lauren Holly — Mary Swanson"

"Mike Starr — Joe 'Mental' Mentaliano"

"Karen Duffy — J.P. Shay"

"Charles Rocket — Nicholas Andre"

"Victoria Rowell — FBI Special Agent Beth Jordan"