"Well, all I know is what I read in the papers."

"An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."

"An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh."

"See they conducted experiments on convicts ... I don't know on what grounds they reason a man in jail is a bigger lia…"

"When you get into trouble 5,000 miles from home, you've got to have been looking for it."

"The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them."

"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself."

"We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

"Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is th…"

"Papers say: "Congress is deadlocked and can't act." I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this coun…"