"The cynic says "blessed is he who expecteth nothing, for he shall not be disappointed." I say "blessed is he who expe…"

"Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have the time."

"I was raped in a driveway when I was eleven. … It was a terrible experience because we had all that gravel."

"I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water — …"

"No man worth his salt, no man of spirit and spine, no man for whom I could have any respect, could rejoice in the ide…"

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work — the night watchman."

"The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes…"

"I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education."

"I don’t know what I want. Nobody knows — or if they do, they don’t know for long. I mean, you don’t want the same thi…"