"I don't have time to play Catch me, rape me."

"Ellie, I love you because you're always there to help with homework. You're like a spellcheck with a nice rack."

"Whatever loser. It's not my fault that you're gay."

"Cheers, slut."

"Please God, don't let me get killed."

"(about the fake pills Megan took) Too bad it doesn't prevent bulimia, that's something Megan could actually use."

"(seeing the burning trees) Oh, Shit. Who set the house on fire?"

"Claire. I like being your friend because... it makes me multicultural without having to do anything."

"(referring to Megan's corpse) Is that Megan? She looks terrible."

"It's a body. Do we wrap it in the blanket as it is, or do we chop it into little pieces first?"