"Why the fuck would I want with a caravan that's got no fockin' wheels?!"

"Not many people are named after a plane crash."

"[Voiceover] This is Tommy. He tells people he's named after a gun, but I know he's named after a famous 19th century …"

"Hurry up, Tommy, before zee Germans get here."

"That's Doug the Head. Everybody knows Doug the Head. If it's stones and it's stolen, he's the man to speak to. Preten…"

"Now, I know he looks like a fat fucker … well, he is a fat fucker … but he's dirty and he's dangerous."

"[Voiceover] Boris "the Blade", or Boris "the Bullet Dodger". As bent as the Soviet sickle, and as hard as the hammer …"

"You show me how to control a wild fucking gypsy, and I'll show you how to control an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster."

"[Voiceover] Ever crossed the road and looked the wrong way? And hey presto, a car's nearly on you, so what do you do?…"

"Ya like dags? Dags, ya like 'em?"