"But that's what show business is all about. Acting like an idiot. It's not you, you're just doing your job. You know …"

"[after vomiting in a hat] Never again. From now on, it's only Kosher Franks."

"[after seeing Angie for the first time] Va Va Va Vroom. Well, Hello Dolly!"

"How much of this crap do I have to eat anyway? What am I? Jobe?"

"Michael J. Fox - Michael "Mikey" Chapman"

"Christina Vidal - Angie Vega"

"Cyndi Lauper - Geena Briganti"

"Nathan Lane - Ed Chapman"

"David Krumholtz - Barry Corman"

"Any chance for getting time off for good behavior?"