""Gosh, I hope this isn't like the primitive, dangerous microwave ovens of my century. Those things could really pop a…"

"(Bernard is talking to Dead Cousin Ted, a mummy) "Boy, I haven't seen you since I was here five years ago. You know, …"

"(Still talking to Dead Cousin Ted) "Boy, I wish I had as little on my mind as you do. No offense intended, of course"."

"(Talking to Dr. Fred), "How about catching Purple Tentacle?""

"I feel like I could... like I could... like I could... TAKE ON THE WORLD!!"

"The Diminuator will be my crowning success! With it I will be able to shrink the entire human race out of sight! BWAH…"

"Soon we'll all be speaking... Well, English I guess."

"Get me out of here! I feel like I'm pupating!"

"(After his Chron-O-John's first attempt) Cheap-Mail-Ordered Jewel! I'd knew I should've bought a real diamond."

"Step one. Find plans. Step two. Save world. Step three. Get out of my house! Let's get cracking."