"Jennifer Schwalbach Smith - Emma"

"Jason Lee - Lance Dowds"

"One semester we took Criminology, for Christ's sake! Criminology! Who the fuck were we studying to be; Batman?"

"Man, you must love this fucking guy, 'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met, the dude who lives his life according …"

"What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look at weird, fucked-up pictures of dirt…"

"All right look, there's only one "Return", okạy, and it ain't of the King. It's of the Jedi."

"You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places sellin' weed 'n…"

"You're my best friend and I love you, in a totally heterosexual way. Please don't leave me."

"[from an alternate introduction to the characters] Ooh, I fucking hate sobriety, tubby! Everything's so crisp and lou…"

"So that's the way you see all this time we've spent together? That's weird, man. I thought you were the only guy in t…"