"go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse"

"im little jesica. im dying because of obamas help care bill. im on my death bed and the doctor is ignoring me because…"

"Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge -- Except Rap …"

"icant come to work today.. on account of JERRY DUTY *SHoves every seinfeld disk into dvd player at once*"

"'im not owned! im not owned!!', i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob"

"fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter d…"

""Is Wario A Libertarian" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of …"

"see this watch? i got it by Crying. my car? crying. my beautiful wife? Crying. My perfect teeth? Crying. now get the …"

"another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wo…"

"how do i get cowboy paint off a dog ."