"[looking at FedEx truck coming into his street] See that FedEx truck? Every day, it delivers important papers to people all around the world. And one day, it is going to stop here, and a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. And at that moment, we- and by we, I mean me - will be important."

"[lamenting to his agent about being passed over for choice roles and the agent could hardly get a word edgewise] White boys get all the Oscars. It's a fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No and you know why? 'Cause I ain't played none of them slave roles, or get my ass whipped. That's when you get the nominations. Black dude play a slave role, gets his ass whipped, gets the nomination, white boy play an idiot, they get the Oscar. Find me a script as a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar."

"The Con is On."

"Steve Martin as Robert "Bobby" Bowfinger"

"Eddie Murphy as Kit Ramsey / Jefferson "Jiff" Ramsey"

"Heather Graham as Daisy"

"Christine Baranski as Carol"

"Terence Stamp as Terry Stricter"

"Robert Downey, Jr. as Jerry Renfro"

"Jamie Kennedy as Dave"

"Adam Alexi Malle as Afrim"

"Kohl Sudduth as Slater"

"Barry Newman as Hal"

"Alejandro Patino as Sanchez"

"Alfred De Contreas as Martinez"

"Ramiro Fabian as Hector"

"John Cho as Nightclub cleaner"

"Phill Lewis as Audition actor"

"Marisol Nichols as Young audition actress"