"If you ever get the chance, shower with them. I did. Mmm, it's a mindscramble. Hurts so good."

"[to Wyatt's grandparents after they arrive unannounced] You ought to know better than to walk into somebody's house a…"

"How 'bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?"

"I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering makin' up some shit!"

"You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue."

"It's all in the name of science. Weird Science."

"Something weird is happening at Wyatt and Gary's."

"They went from zeroes to heroes in one fantastic weekend."

"Gary and Wyatt have created the perfect woman. And she'll do anything they say all in the name of science."

"You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high scho…"