"And what if I find it, huh? What am I supposed to do, drop it from a fucking plane? It'd probably bounce!"

"WE GOTTA MAKE! LIKE! EGGS! AND SCRAMBLE!"

"What do, uh, fathers and their estranged sons say to each other? "Road trip"?"

"Everybody dies. Some of us peacefully and in our sleep, and some of us... horribly. And that's life."

"[Torching the monkey with a flamethrower] Who's smiling now, you infernal son of a whore?"

"Open up, it's the motherfuckin' police!"

"[Seeing his father and uncle as kids] You're fucking twins?"

"I'm one of those kids that can only go poo in a house."

"The Monkey is the new trip from writer/director Osgood Perkins. Based on the short story by Stephen King and produced…"

"[Repeated line] Shit, man, that sucks."