"When I was 25, all I did was just scream, "Sellout! Fucking sellouts. Corporate sellout. Industry bullshit. Meh-meh-m…"

"[on KFC's Famous Bowls] I just want kind of a light brown hillock of glop. If you could put my lunch in a blender, an…"

"Hey Patton, looks like Paris Hilton's writing a book. And I go, "She's a cunt who should die of AIDS." They go, (nerv…"

"If another one of my Whole-Foods friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on th…"

"[on Barack Obama's election] Do you realize for the next four years America is gonna be a cool eighties cop flick? "B…"

"The night we elected Obama, CNN had holograms. They had fuckin' holograms. We have Star Wars technology now. What if …"

"I didn't realize how bad my outlook on life is until I went on a press tour for Ratatouille and had to talk to childr…"

"I'm an atheist and I love religion. And I don't love religion in a snarky mean-spirited way; I unabashedly, sincerely…"

"In the middle of Tom Cruise's speech, there's this sudden, dramatic pull-in to his face, and there's tears in his eye…"

""You've gotta respect everyone’s beliefs." No, you don't. That's what gets us in trouble. Look, you have to acknowled…"