"[punches Pig Pen] A little sensitivity here. Can't you see this is a dejected man? Now Rick, get your dejected head o…"

"[girl in bed with him farts on him] Oh, no you didn't."

"Welcome to el Matador, Spanish for, The Matador."

"I'm gonna need a bucket, a paint brush and 10 pounds of salt. Lance. Get his pants."

"I don't have to take a test to tell you that I take drugs."

"Carpe the Diem. Seize The Carp."

"Can you get an STD from a polar bear?"

"Maybe we should clarify something. When you won the race last night, that made you king of the mountain. Not king of …"

"No regrets, that's my motto. Well... that and everybody Wang Chung tonight."

"You know I hate what they're doing to the mountain, but this is the best vanilla latte I have ever had. You can actua…"