"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you m…"

"I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all…"

"Lake Wobegon, where smart doesn't count for so much. A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to…"

"Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for t…"

"Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Pa…"

"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom …"

"It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were sh…"

"The funniest line in English is “Get it?” When you say that, everyone chortles."

"To know and to serve God, of course, is why we're here, a clear truth, that, like the nose on your face, is near at h…"

"God writes a lot of comedy, Donna; the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny."