"It’s bad enough to be a bloke without one reel close friend; But when your dog gives you the bird it’s pretty near th…"

"Women is strange. You take my tip; I’m wise. I know enough to know I'll never know The ’uman female mind ..."

"Of all the gems in this wide world (No matter what their hue be), The one I find most beautiful Is certainly the emer…"

": an ineffably pious person who mistakes this world for a penitentiary and himself for a warder."

"Oh, to be in England Now that Summer’s there! For who plays the Game in England Is each morning well aware That the c…"

"Now, a woman, she’s a woman. I ’ave fixed that for a cert. They’re jist as like as rows uv peas from ’at to ’em uv sk…"

"To mock the tree-lined highways of our dreaming, Winding to pleasant plains and sunlit hills, Loud-speakers yet may b…"

"They say the whole world’s down and out; But here’s what I can’t see: If every land, beyond all doubt, In all the ear…"

"But it must not be thought that I abjure all physical effort. Only the day before yesterday I pulled up a dandelion. …"

"Get a —— move on, Have some —— sense. Learn the —— art of Self de- —— -fence!"