"[narrating] I've been to prison once. I've been married twice. I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live i…"

"[while having sex] Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! You ain't gonna shit right for a WEEK!"

"[to Thurman] Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't need no fucking gorilla. And I wasn't as big as one of your le…"

"[to Thurman] Thank you for giving that letter to the cops. I forgot I asked you to do it, but it's a good thing you d…"

"[in a letter to Thurman] Dear Kid, I hope that you got my present and that there wasn't too much blood on it, althoug…"

"You are by far the dumbest, most pathetic piece of maggot-eatin' shit that has every slid from a human being's hairy …"

"Jesus Christ! Can you maybe at least keep it together for just 10 minutes?"

"When I look at you, you know what I think? I think America has a sad future ahead of it."

"He doesn't care if you're naughty or nice."

"Get Naughty this Holiday Season."