"No thanks. Bad luck. Three on a midget."

"You're like a beautiful chandelier. I'd like to be around when you get lit up."

"It's the biggest dope ring in years. And Jardinet is the head dope!""

"[to Mrs.Dukesbury] Write me a check for ten thousand dollars and everybody will be happy,including the gorilla. And I…"

"The last time I was on the ceiling was at a lodge meeting. The Chairman had the floor."

"You know what I say. Whenever you got business trouble the best thing to do is to get a lawyer. Then you got more tro…"

"I ain't got nothing, but you can always have half!"

"Keep the world laughing!"

"Groucho Marx — J. Cheever Loophole"

"I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork."