Patrick Allen

"Do I care? No I flipping well don't!"

"String 'em up and watch the piggies squeal!"

"Big Shiny Films in your Dinky Little Home"

"In 1885 we invented music television. We just didn't bother telling anybody."

"Chucking Spunky Tunes In Your Tellybox"

"Behold the E4 Udderbelly! An Edinburgh Festival venue that's a ruddy inflatable cow!"

"I Scream! You Scream! We all ruddy well Scream!"

"He's the popular high school jock. She's the geek nobody can be bothered to speak to. You'll never guess what happens next! Well...you probably will."

"Only we has got Six Chuffing Feet"

"Paris squashed against Britney in your gaff"