Dave Allen

"I still think of myself as I was 25 years ago. Then I look in a mirror and see an old bastard and realise it's me."

"I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things."

"I've stopped smoking... I think the cost was a lot of it, and not being able to breathe. I first gave up smoking when I was eight."

"We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A fucking clock."

"If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment."

"I'm an Atheist...thank God."