Back to School

"I don't know. I can't figure women out. Today, they're... independent. They only think about themselves. Why, during sex, Vanessa - she used to scream out her own name!"

"Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes."

"Don't mind Lou - he's only the second generation in his family to stand up straight."

"Please, try to understand. I don't have the background for this. I mean, the high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, he threw the teacher out the window!"

"With the shape I'm in you could donate my body to science fiction."

"Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon"

"Sally Kellerman - Dr. Diane Turner"

"Burt Young - Lou"

"Keith Gordon - Jason Melon"

"Robert Downey, Jr. - Derek Lutz"

"Paxton Whitehead - Dr. Phillip Barbay"

"Sam Kinison - Professor Terguson"

"Terry Farrell - Valerie Desmond"

"M. Emmet Walsh - Coach Turnbull"

"Adrienne Barbeau - Vanessa Melon"

"William Zabka - Chas Osborne"

"Ned Beatty - "Dean (education)|Dean" David Martin"

"Severn Darden - Dr. Borozini"

"Robert Picardo - Giorgio"

"Jason Hervey - Young Thornton"

"Edie McClurg - Marge Sweetwater"

"Kurt Vonnegut - Himself"