"That's the best euphemism for getting the total crap kicked out of you that I've ever heard."

"[to his entire school] My name is Charlie Bartlett, and I'm no longer a virgin!"

"[tapping head] Viagra! Virgin! Vino! Vagabond! Vagina!"

"I'm just a stupid kid."

"Well duh dude, this place sucks. But I just worry that one day we're gonna look back at high school and wish we'd don…"

"Oh, trust me doc, bringing psychiatric drugs and teenagers together is like opening a lemonade stand in the desert."

"[last line] Would you like to talk about it?"

"I'm fit as a fucking fiddle."

"Never attack a drunk guy with a gun!"

"Stephen Young - Dr. Stan Weathers"