First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Edward Norton (uncredited) — himself"
"Megan Fox — herself"
"Sacha Baron Cohen — Admiral General/Prime Minister Haffaz Aladeen/Allison Burgers"
"Ben Kingsley — Tamir Aladeen, Aladeen's uncle"
"Jason Mantzoukas — "Nuclear" Nadal"
"[to his pregnant wife] Are you having a boy or an abortion?"
"Anna Faris — Zoey"
"Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes. And bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests."
"$20 a day for the internet? What the fuck! And they accuse me of being an international criminal?"
"Oh it's a girl. I'm so sorry. Where's the trashcan?"
"John C. Reilly (uncredited) — Clayton"
"Lorna Hanson — Anna"
"Erika Peters — Elenka"
"Guy Rolfe — Baron Sardonicus"
"Oskar Homolka — Krull"
"Vladimir Sokoloff — Henryk Toleslawski"
"The Only Picture With the Punishment Poll!"
"Audrey Dalton — Maude Sardonicus"
"Ronald Lewis — Sir Robert Cargrave"
"A man of evil... with a face that could stop a heart!"
"During the running of the film,the "Punishment Poll" lets YOU decide the fate of Mr. Sardonicus!"
"YOU decide the fate of Mr. Sardonicus during the "Punishment Poll"! Vote "mercy" or "no mercy" right in your theatre seat!"
"Roger Grimsby - Himself"
"Dorothi Fox - J. Edgar Hoover"
"Carlos Montalban - Gen. Emilio M. Vargas"
"Dan Frazer - Priest"
"Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for, Hitler?"
"Today's top stories: The United States government brings charges against Fielding Mellish as a subversive impostor, New York garbage men are striking for a better class of garbage, and the National Rifle Association declares death a good thing."
"Howard Cosell - Himself"
"[to his therapist] I was, uh, I was always very shy when it came to girls. I - I remember when I was a little boy, I - I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille, and I - I used to rub the dirty parts. And I, um, I guess I had a good relationship with my parents. I - I - I - they very rarely h- I think they hit me once, actually, in my whole childhood. They, uh, started beating me on the 23rd of December, 1942 and stopped beating me in the late spring of '44. Um, I don't know, I was a nervous child. I was a bed wetter. When I was younger, I, I, uh, used to sleep with an electric blanket, and I was constantly electrocuting myself."
"Woody Allen - Fielding Mellish"
"Natividad Abascal - Yolanda"
"We fell in love. I fell in love - she just stood there."
"Don Dunphy - Himself"
"Although the United States is, uh, a very rich country and San Marcos is a very poor one, there are a great many things we have to offer your country in return for aid. For instance, there, uh, there are locusts. Uh, we have more locusts than...uh, locusts of all races and creeds. These, these locusts, incidentally, are available at popular prices. And so, by the way, are most of the women of San Marcos...despite the tiny size of our nation, few people realize that we lead the world in hernias. They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country, he stopped in San Marcos and contracted a disease which today can be cured with one shot of penicillin."
"You cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department."
"David Ortiz - Sanchez"
"Louise Lasser - Nancy"
"Montel Williams - Guidestar Voice"
"Hilary Duff - Yonica Babyyeah"
"Marisa Tomei - Natalie Hegalhuzen"
"Joan Cusack - Marsha Dillion"
"Wonderful opportunities here, Hauser, as long as these towel-heads don't actually look up "freedom" in the dictionary. But to use one of your home-spun colloquialisms: let's cut the shit, shall we? You know what your problem is, Hauser? You're a moralist! That's why you're so much fun to fuck with. War is the improvement of investment climates by other means. Clausewitz For Dummies. The U.S.A. is a subdivision of Tamerlane. Democracy, the War on Terror, the War on Drugs: these are all focus groups, slogans for Tamerlane!"
"You ever wonder what the ideology of a Vibrio cholerae bacterium is? Or the belief system of Yersinia pestis, the bacteria that causes Bubonic plague? Well I'll tell ya, Hauser: perpetuation! An infinite succession of generations, immortality on the installment plan. I wish I had that sort of esprit de corps, that bacterial team spirit... talk about legacy, talk about empire..."
"John Cusack - Brand Hauser"
"Ben Kingsley - Walken"
"Let's cut the shit, Walken. I like killing people as much as the next guy. But I signed up to kill the bad ones. Health clinics, trade unionists, journalists, agricultural co-ops, Catholic liberation theologians, impoverished Colombian coffee farmers - these are the barbarians, the depraved opponents of civilization? We turned Central America into a fucking graveyard. Whoever momentarily interrupts the accumulation of our wealth, we pulverize. I'm just not feeling good about that anymore, sir."
"Isn't it a little late to be worrying about international conventions? Is nerve gas any worse than getting your head blown off by a precision-guided laser missile? Frankly, it's a nuance that's lost on me."
"Marsha, get me Katie Couric, Al Jezeera and 100 gallons of sheep shit."
"This is Donnie Lou's Fever Juice. It is rated at just under a quarter million Scoville units. Now, when I find the demands of life to be challenging, I take a "wee drop." The more challenging, the higher the Scoville units. [fills a tiny teacup with hot sauce] But the trick, you see, that I've taught myself, is to never allow my eyes to tear up. One completely honest thing... if you really knew me, you'd despise me even more than you do."