"The cynic says "blessed is he who expecteth nothing, for he shall not be disappointed." I say "blessed is he who expe…"

"Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have the time."

"I was raped in a driveway when I was eleven. … It was a terrible experience because we had all that gravel."

"I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water — …"

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work — the night watchman."

"The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes…"

"I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education."

"Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it."

"I don’t know what I want. Nobody knows — or if they do, they don’t know for long. I mean, you don’t want the same thi…"