"There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, a…"

"Blowtorch, anyone?"

"You know, there are more people in law school right now than there are lawyers on the entire planet? Think about that."

"[repeated line] Love sucks."

"I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It's a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better, Russia gets an inflated sense…"

"Never trust a woman who says she isn't angry."

"[to Jules] You know Jules, there is the brink of insanity and then there is the abyss, which obviously you have falle…"

"Jenny Wright - Felicia"

"[to Leslie] Yeah, once. Junior high, I played bongos in this band and I fell in love with the lead singer. She sang "…"

"[about Dale] She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one …"