"This is Samantha Belmont, one-third owner of the Greater Los Angeles Basin, speaking."

"[after her MAC-10 jams during target practice] See, this is the problem with these things. Daddy would have gotten us…"

"My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world!"

"Hey, I'm sorry if the end of the world makes me a little nervous."

"If something's wrong, it's wrong; majority rule doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Seems to be the perfect Christmas gift this year."

"I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck!"

"Let's play a game: it's called scary noises."

"Narrator: Since before recorded time, it had swung through the universe in an elliptical orbit so large that its very…"

"You were born with an asshole, Doris—you don't need Chuck."