"Now the government, quite rightly, pays for me – through taxpayer's money – to be able live in London whilst I serve …"

"I had people wanting me to write an autobiography: I was born. I went to school. I left. I fried a fish. And now I’m …"

"I know I'm not going to become comfortable in Westminster because I'm fundamentally uncomfortable there. I don't want…"

"You talk shite, hen."

"Just seen a stag do floating down the Thames. As their boat went past, they began pointing at Parliament chanting, 'y…"

"Anybody ever watch Gilmore Girls? Mind when Paris built herself a fort in the newsroom of the paper so nobody could t…"

"You sound if I head to bed, Sajid Javid? Absolutely shattered."

"Ooo I'm back to being a ned this week, what a buzz. I'm sure it'll be back to a middle class liar with a fake accent …"

"We have the lowest pensions in Europe, the lowest sick pay, we pretend the minimum wage is a living wage when it’s no…"

"I've been challenged going into female toilets before, course I have. Are you kidding? I'm the sort of person who can…"