"Bees. They don't know they've even got a fuckin' sting. It's like buzzes, it's a twat with a shotgun!"

"My wife, she is a beautiful woman, but in labour she turned into fucking Jack Nicholson from The Shining. "You. You f…"

"They'll drop a cage into the water, and the shark'll be. like, "What you doin' down 'ere? What you fuckin' doin' down…"

"I was thinking to myself out there — well, you wouldn't think you're anybody else, would you?"

"I don't come out on film. I get the red eye. Blokes like that: [imitates knocking someone out] "You fuckin' will in a…"

"The Happy Eater! They're miserable as fuck! You go in the Happy Eater, you'll see a woman behind the counter at the d…"

"TGI Friday's, American style restaurant. Well, they're mental, they're mental. I dunno. It's American, "Have a nice d…"

"Jed Exodus, sounds like he's gonna go get changed in a phone box [heroic American accent] "WATCH OUT FOR JED EXODUS..…"

"Someone walked up to me the other day and went "Excuse me... Can you show me where the station is, please?" I said "Y…"

"We don't get telly round our way, sir"! "Yeah, we hang you buggers round our way, we do"… "No, we all came on the sam…"