"Dave Chappelle"

"[trying to find the address where he is assigned to collect urinal cakes] East 161st Street and River Avenue? East 16…"

"I need you to fill in for my drummer this Saturday. He's dead."

"[after Joe fails to impress anyone with his drumming skills] I'm sorry, there's not gonna be any rock n roll tonight.…"

"A rent-controlled apartment is one where the rent's been frozen since like the forties. But places like that are hard…"

"Your apartment? I believe we were here first. And we'll be here last too. We've gotta long-time lease on this planet."

"Giving up?! What made roaches outlast the dinosaurs? Because roaches never give up! They can stomp us, they can pop u…"

"[trying to distract a cat with a comedy act] Anyone here from New Jersey? What exit? Bada-bing!"

"Sex Bugs Rock 'n Roll."

"Jim Sterling"