"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth."

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the …"

"Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you."

"There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn. You see, advice and …"

"Should novels generally be 600 pages? No, they should not. Half of writing, maybe 3/4 of writing, is editing. This se…"

"I doubt there’s ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not."

"Most of my news, I get from the radio news stations. One of the stations' advertising lines is "Give us 22 minutes, w…"

"Take away a man’s actual sense of manhood — which is conventionally based on the ability to work, to earn money, to b…"

"The terrible state of public education has paid huge dividends in ignorance. Huge. We now have a country that can be …"

"I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach ad…"