"Uncle Pat: [On how to succeed in business] You outwork, outthink, outscheme and outmanuever. You make no friends. You trust nobody. And you make damn sure you're the smartest guy in the room whenever the subject of money comes up."

"Never tell tales about a woman, she'll hear you no matter how far away she is."

"When he pours, he reigns."

"Anything else is always something better."

"You see, there are two kinds of people in this world, the workers and the hustlers. The hustlers never work and the workers never hustle and you my friend, are a worker."

"A bartender is the aristocrat of the working class."

"Coughlin's Diet: Cocktails and dreams."

"The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got."

"[in his suicide note to Brian] My dearest Brian, A guy like me looks in the mirror, he either grins, or he starts to fade away. And I haven't seen anything to grin about in a long time. This may not be the most graceful exit, but I know when the bottle's empty. The only thing I'm really going to miss is the conversations we had. At least I get the last word, even if I had to mail it in. Coughlin's Law: Bury the dead. They stink up the joint. As for the rest of Coughlin's Laws, ignore them. The guy was always full of shit. [chuckles bitterly] But I guess you knew that already."

"They thought he was good, they were wrong... he was the best."

"I don't care how liberated this world becomes - a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume - and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not."

"Bryan Brown - Doug Coughlin"

"Elisabeth Shue - Jordan Mooney"

"Gerry Bamman - Tourist"

"I am the world's last barman poet! I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make. America is getting stinking on something I stir or shake. The Sex On The Beach...the Schnapps made from peach! The Velvet Hammer...the Alabama Slammer! I make things with juice and froth, the Pink Squirrel...the 3 Toed Sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy, the Iced Tea...the Kamikazi! The Orgasm...the Death Spasm. The Singapore Sling...the Ding a Ling. America you're just devoted to every flavor I've got, but if you want to get loaded...why don't you just order a shot! Bar's open!!"

"Arsenio Hall - Semmi/Morris/Reverend Brown/last (ugly) woman in bar scene."

"Eddie Murphy - Prince Akeem/Clarence/Randy Watson/Saul"

"The Four Funniest Men in America are Eddie Murphy."

"Samuel L. Jackson - Hold Up Man at McDowell's"

"This summer, Prince Akeem discovers America."

"Now I want you to reach onto God's unchanging hand. He helped Joshua fight the Battle of Jericho. He helped Daniel escape the lion's den. He helped Gilligan get off the island."