"Darrell Waltrip: It's an honor to be able to start this 600-mile race here on Memorial Day. Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racing for those who made the ultimate sacrifice, boys!"

"Channing Tatum - Jimmy Logan"

"Riley Keough - Mellie Logan"

"Seth MacFarlane - Max Chilblain"

"Jack Quaid - Fish Bang"

"Macon Blair - Brad Noonan"

"Fox NASCAR commentators as themselves:"

"Brian Gleeson - Sam Bang"

"Sebastian Stan - Dayton White"

"Katherine Waterston - Sylvia Harrison"

"Daniel Craig - Joe Bang"

"2 Brothers. 3 arms. 1 incredible plan."

"Carle Bensen as Harold (race announcer)"

"Joyce Jameson as Grace Pander (race announcer)"

"Sandy McCallum as Mr. President"

"Louisa Moritz as Myra (Joe's navigator)"

"Send me the best you've got, Warden. I'll send them back to you skinned, gutted and quartered."

"Don Steele as Junior Bruce (race announcer)"

"Paul Laurence as Special Agent"

"Mary Woronov as Jane "Calamity Jane" Kelly"

"Sylvester Stallone as Joe "Machine Gun" Viterbo"

"Roberta Collins as Matilda "The Hun""

"David Carradine as "Frankenstein""

"Zany Janey, winner of this year's trials at Watkins Glen, placed second in 1998 and led in last year's second lap until she went out with gear trouble. Her fans and lovers everywhere wish Janey better luck this year."

"Simone Griffeth as Annie Smith (Frankenstein's navigator)"

"Martin Kove as Ray "Nero the Hero" Lonagan"

"Harriet Medin as Thomasina Paine"

"Christine Marzano - Jane"

"Danny Glover - Bob "Baltimore Bob""

"Danny Trejo - Goldberg"

"[describing Gibson to Goldberg for Baltimore Bob] Connor Gibson. In for felony... whatever. Two counts, six counts, who's counting? He's in here with the rest of us. I wish I had a few more b-bullet points for you, but he's a question mark."

"Connor Gibson is not the man we are coming to know. He is a warrior. A very decorated and specialized warrior, known in the shadow world of government killers for his wet work with the CIA. Targeted killing is his forte, and I am his mark. He's here at the behest of Weyland International. Sent here by the fascists from the outside because they think I've gained too much power. They fitted him with a strap, and he hangs around their waist like a hatchet. There's a helicopter ride to freedom waiting for him at the finish line. Tell me, Sergeant, am I wrong?"

"All right, all right! This is Junior Bruce, your buddy-buddy and mine. And I'll be giving you the blow-by-blow, play-by-play when the kings and queens of the open road roar onto the track! Do I hear the sound of engines? It's Calamity Jane Kelly, queen of the road, at the wheel of that mean, ornery stud bull!"

"My children, whom I love so dearly, it has been my duty in the long and difficult years since the World Crash of '79 to serve you as best I could. Never before in history have masses forgone all comfort, so that the spirit of genius might thrive and seek the golden key to a new time of plenty in the fertile field of minority privilege. And now, my children, the drivers are ready. The world is waiting. Once more, I give you what you want."

"I can't believe what I just saw. Connor Gibson jumped the bridge, putting him right back in the thick of it. This bloodsucker's got game. Mmm."