Stealing Harvard

"Elaine never liked my sister Patty. Maybe it was because Patty was a free spirit. I say free spirit because I'm uncomfortable calling my own sister... sexually indescriminate trailer trash."

"Nothing could hold a candle to the fetish crime I just endured."

"We've been banging together like a pair of cymbals in an overworked marching band."

"See those dead plants? I planted those."

"I wanted to scope the place out. I was hungry so I decided to heat up a brick of cheese. I need my cheese."

"Elaine... I like her. I like her a lot, John. But she's a bitch! She's a dirty, dumb bitch."

"[After having been humped by a dog] It's a good thing your here officers, because a crime has just been committed."

"Okay, just so we're all on the same page, I'm flying right now! Angel Dust! So lets keep it real, boys, keep it real and nobodys getting hurt."

"I'm not liquid... I'm not... liquid."

"All right American beef cattle, just stay calm, and you'll all get to go home to your precious TV dinners!"

"The branch! Swing from the branch Rickey!"

"We're going skiing."

"Who do you think I am, Albert fuckin' Trump?"

"I urge you to drop it."

"Why is anybody talking?"

"This guy is a lump."

"Jason Lee as John"

"Tom Green as Duff"

"Leslie Mann as Elaine"

"Megan Mullally as Patty"

"Dennis Farina as Mr. Warner"

"Tammy Blanchard as Noreen"

"Richard Jenkins as Mr. Cook"

"Chris Penn as David Loach"

"John C. McGinley as Detective Charles"

"Seymour Cassel as Uncle Jack"

"Zeus as Rex the dog"

"Ken Magee as Butcher"

"A comedy about doing the wrong things... for the right reasons."