Minette Walters

"Our reputation has obviously preceded us. Don't worry shaking hands with a lesbian is perfectly safe. I have nothing against dykes Miss Cattrell, just wouldn't put my finger in one. The only disabilities that idiot has are both in his trousers. He's a prick and an arsehole."

"Did you know where the ice house was? No Well, what did you think the hillock was? A hillock probably."

"You've lived here for eight years, surely you must have explored the grounds. Do I look like someone who takes exercise? You're very slim. Well, I eat very little, drink neat spirits and smoke like a chimney. It does wonders for the figure, but leaves me gasping for breath halfway up the stairs."