Love at First Bite

"Children of the night, shut up!"

"You see? Even a child knows! The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. He never kills for sport, only what is needed. And he always protects the young... and the old."

"Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night."

"[reading an American phrase book] What is this? "Copyright 1923"? Renfield, you bumbling moron, this book is as out of date as... I am."

"I'm going out for a bite to drink."

"[after biting a wino] What was that maniac drinking? Tastes like the Volga river at low tide!"

"I never drink wine, and I do not smoke shit."

"Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age. Things were simpler, less complicated. Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century? Two."

"[talking to her kitten, sitting in the fridge]: So that's where you've been for the last two days, and I thought you were lost, you little devil [kisses the kitten]."

"[repeated line] I'm a doctor! I know what I'm doing."

"You know what Freud said: if you don't pay for it, you don't get better."

"[picking hotel room lock] Every now and then it sure helps to have a patient doing five to ten for breaking and entering."

"[is about to set Dracula's coffin on fire] In the name of all the Van Helsings who have ever lived... Burn, Baby! Burn! [throws the lit match on the coffin, and the coffin begins to ignite]"

"[After having set fire to Dracula's Coffin] This is a perfect example of a man taking charge of his own life! And I feel... pretty good."

"Look, a check. She paid me everything she owes me. She left me, but she learned something. She's a responsible person ... or whatever."

":Black mourner: Alvin - I told you to go find your roots, but who told you to drink the water?"