Leo Rosten

"The only thing I can say about W. C. Fields … is this: Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."

"I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong."

"The purpose of life is not to be happy at all. It is to be useful, to be honorable. It is to be compassionate. It is to matter, to have it make some difference that you lived."

"Conservative: One who admires radicals a century after they're dead."

"What's green, hangs on a wall and whistles?"

"Extremists think "communication" means agreeing with them."