Kidnapping, Caucasian Style

"Shurik told us this story. He collected folklore during his vacation. Maybe this story is just a legend, but, according to Shurik, it really happened in one of the mountain regions. He did not say in which one, so as not to be unfair to other regions where exactly the same story could have happened."

"Portier. My great grandfather said: "I desire to buy a house, but I don't have the means to do it. I have the means to buy a goat, but I don't desire it." So let us drink to our desires always meeting our possibilities."

"Barman. ...And when the whole flock flew south for the winter, one small but proud bird said: "Personally, I will fly right into the sun." And she began to rise higher and higher, but very soon she burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of the deepest gorge. So let's drink to the fact that none of us, no matter how high he flew, would never break away from the his team... What happened, my dear?"

"Barbeque master. ...And the princess, out of anger, hung herself on her own braid, because he accurately counted how many grains are in the bag, how many drops are in the sea and how many stars are in the sky. So let's drink to cybernetics!"

"A toast without wine is like a wedding night without a bride."

"I abducted her, and I'll return her!"

"As our wonderful satirist Arkady Raikin says, a woman is a friend of human!"

"Now I have only two ways out of this house: either I take her to the Registrar, or she takes me to the prosecutor."

"It's not a lezginka dance for you, but a twist! I show you everything from the beginning. With the toe of your right foot, you crush the cigarette butt like this... hop-hop-hop-hop-hop! The second butt... the second butt you crush with the toe of your left foot... And now you crush both butts together! Hop-hop-hop!"

"By the way, in the neighboring district, the groom kidnap a member of the Communist Party."

"Long live our court, the most humane court in the world! (applauses)"

"There is an epidemic in the region. Total vaccinations. FMD! Sign it!"

"(to Shurik) Traitor, vile mercenary... Judas! Scoundrel! How much were you paid? Untie me! A piece of garbage, sellout! Let me go! Bandit, trash, stupid, chameleon, rascal! Alcoholic! Miserable folklorist!"

"Edik. (resents his 1930s truck) Hey, cursed be the day I got behind the wheel of this vacuum cleaner!"

"Shurik. Sorry, I don't drink."

"Police officer. (reads the offense report) "...And he disrupted the grand opening of the Wedding Palace. Then, on the chapel ruins...""

"Jabrail. Listen, don't you have any shame? Offending an orphan like this. She's got no one, except for her uncle and aunt. Twenty five."

"Coward. As they say, life is good!"

"Jabrail. You've failed the high trust placed in you!"

"Shurik. (in mental hospital) Сan I see the prosecutor?"

"Saakhov. (to Nina) I didn't expect you to come. Such a surprise for me. Excuse me, I'll change."

"Court secretary. All rise! Court is in session!"