Joe Dirt

"Things are gonna happen for me. I'm Joe Dirt!"

"I'm a rocker, dude, through and through. Here's my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep..."

"Life's a garden. Dig it!"

"I'm new in town, kinda lonely, lookin' for my parents."

"You like to see homos naked?"

"It puts the Joe Dirt in the hole."

"Say it, don't spray it brother. Dang!"

"Ya gotta keep on, keepin' on."

"Right on! You're Joe Meteorite and I'm Joe Dirt."

"[puts up fists] You guys got somethin' to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mic right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin' and guess what? They don't like no feedback, what's up?"

"[Trying to scrape Charlie the dog's testicles off the frozen porch] Now, this ain't no flapjack. I'll go real easy. I won't look."

"My name is Joe Dirté. I added an e to the end, 'cause it sounds cool."

"[Joe falls off a swing] And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feelin' that Brandy was lookin' up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown."

"There are three rules when dealin' with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I'm number one. Rule number two, the croc's number two."

"[To himself] YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FUH-REAK. You're goin' to Hell, man, but it was worth it."

"That shit'll buff out."

"Luckily, my neck broke my fall."

"You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?"

"Why don't you go practice fallin' down, I'll be there in a minute."

"I thought I had broken my ass bone!"

"[while on air balloon] I can see down your shirt!"

"I got the poo on me!!"

"I'm puttin' the lotion on the skin!"

"My face and your ass... I mean, your ass and my face."

"You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"

"I don't care about this, and I don't care about these! And I hope I never see you again for the next twenty-five years!"

"Now, you're tellin' me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?"

"What's the story here? I'm a white trash idiot - the end."

"God Almighty, manna from inbred heaven. Hey freak boy: 1976 called, it wants its hairstyle back."

"Why have you got a wig? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?"

"Don't you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe."

"It does what it's told."

"It puts the lotion on its skin! You have no idea what kind of hell I can bring you!"

"Oh for christ sakes, HERE! [sends AutoTrader down well]"

"IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN."

"Kickin’ Wing: You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoof beats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn't work anymore."

"Clem: [talking to fire extinguisher] You're talkin' to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!"

"David Spade - Joseph "Joe" Dirt (né Nunamaker)"

"Brittany Daniel - Brandy"

"Dennis Miller - Zander Kelly"

"Adam Beach - Kickin' Wing"

"Christopher Walken - Anthony Benedetti/Clem Doore/Gert B. Frobe"

"Jaime Pressly - Jill"

"Kid Rock - Robby"

"Rosanna Arquette - Charlene"

"Joe Don Baker - Don, Brandy's father"

"Megan Harvey - Joe's little sister"

"Caroline Aaron - Mrs. Nunamaker"

"Fred Ward - Mr. Nunamaker"

"Brian Thompson - Buffalo Bob"