He's Just Not That Into You

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule... But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

"We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you."

"So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions."

"If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you."

"People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were legitimately happy, honestly you wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn't have to broadcast it. They do it because they're insecure and because they think that getting married is what they're supposed to be doing now. And so they're lying to themselves and they're lying to others."

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."

"What if you meet the love of your life, but you already married somebody else, are you supposed to let them pass you by?"

"I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me."

"Ben Affleck - Neil"

"Jennifer Aniston - Beth Murphy"

"Drew Barrymore - Mary Harris"

"Jennifer Connelly - Janine Gunders"

"Kevin Connolly - Conor Barry"

"Bradley Cooper - Ben Gunders"

"Ginnifer Goodwin - Gigi Phillips"

"Scarlett Johansson - Anna Marks"

"Justin Long - Alex"

"Kris Kristofferson - Rod Murphy"

"Hedy Burress - Laura"

"Stephen Jared - Steven"

"Busy Phillips - Kelli Ann"

"Leonardo Nam - Joshua Nguyen"

"Rod Keller - Bruce"

"Wilson Cruz - Nathan"

"Morgan Lily - Little girl"

"Natasha Leggero - Amber Gnech"

"Cory Hardrict - Tyrone"

"Greg Behrendt - Priest"

"Sasha Alexander - Katharine"

"Corey Pearson - Jude"

"Frances Callier - Frances"

"Angela V. Shelton - Angela"

"Bill Brochtrup - Larry"

"Peter O'Meara - Bill"

"Brandon Keener - Jarrad"

"John Ross Bowie - Dan the Wiccan"

"Luis Guzman (uncredited) as Javier"

"Mary Stuart Masterson (uncredited archive footage from the film Some Kind of Wonderful) as Watts"