Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

"I matter. I matter equally. Full stop”"

"can you reverse X and get the same results?”"

"life just does its thing”"

"Be a full person”"

"loving what you do is a great gift to give your child”"

"reject the language of ‘help’”"

"Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense”"

"because you’re a girl’ should never be a reason for anything”"

"Beware the danger of what I call Feminism Lite”"

"hollow, appeasing, and bankrupt”"

"he’s driving but you’re in the front seat” ** page 21"

"Teach Chizalum to read”"

"Teach her to question Language”"

"Never speak of marriage as an achievement”"

"women sacrifice more at a cost to themselves” to make relationships work"

"Teach her to reject likeability”"

"We condition girls “to be likeable, to be nice, to be false”"

"Give Chizalum a sense of identity”"

"it values community and consensus and hard work, and the language and proverbs are beautiful and full of great wisdom”"

"“a woman can’t do certain things just because she’s a woman and that is wrong”"

"Be deliberate about how you engage with her appearance”"

"non-slim, non-white women are [also] beautiful”"

"to protect her from looking at her own reflection with dissatisfaction”"

"Teach her to question our culture’s selective use of biology as ‘reasons’ for social norms”"

"Talk to her about sex, and start early”"

"vague semi-threats about how ‘talking to boys’ would end up with us being pregnant and disgraced”"

"her body belongs to her and her alone, [and] that she should never feel the need to say yes to something she does not want”"

"Romance will happen, so be on board”"

"In teaching her about oppression, be careful not to turn the oppressed into saints”"

"saintliness is not a prerequisite for dignity”"

"Teach her about difference”"

"The first is your premise, the solid unbending belief that you start off with. What is your premise? Your feminist premise should be: I matter. I matter equally. Not ‘if only.’ Not ‘as long as.’ I matter equally. Full stop.”"

"Motherhood is a glorious gift, but do not define yourself solely by motherhood. Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that.”"