Anthony Shaffer (writer)

"Celebrating Christmas without subscribing to Christianity is like watching the Super Bowl without having watched a single regular-season football game all year. Some people watch the Super Bowl exclusively for the commercials; others watch it for the halftime show."

"Christmas sits like a black hole on the calendar, and the other holidays implied by "happy holidays"—Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New Year's Day, etc.—are powerless to be drawn in by its force."

": You were disparaging my lover. : On the contrary, I was reminiscing about my wife. : It comes to the same thing. : Things mostly do, you know."

": I hear she's a scrubbed blonde with all the sex appeal of chilled Dettol. : (with dignity) There are those who believe that cleanliness is next to sexiness."

": You can take it from me that Tēa's an engaging little trollop, and she suits me mightily. Mind you, she takes a bit of keeping up with, it's a good thing I'm pretty much of an Olympic sexual athlete. : I suppose these days you're concentrating on the sprints rather than on the long distance stuff. : Not so, dear boy. I'm in the pink of condition. I could copulate for England at any distance. : Well, they do say in Olympic circles, that the point is to take part, rather than to win, so I suppose there's hope for us all."

": So she's used to luxury. Whose fault is that? : It's not a fault if you can afford it. But can you?"

": You must be joking. : You would know it if I were."

": Supposing someone saw you climbing in? : Who? You're not overlooked. : Who knows? A dallying couple. A passing sheep rapist."

": You have to be serious if you want to be in love. : You have to be serious about crime if you want to afford to be in love."

": You seem to regard marriage as a game, sir. : Not marriage, Inspector. Sex. Sex is the game with marriage the penalty."

": Now, the shortest way to a man's heart is humiliation. You soon find out what he's made of."