"[to Ronnie] The frightening statistics of young earthlings mangling themselves in internal combustion vehicles on the night of prom ritual makes me insist that you use maximum safety awareness, return at the predesignated time coordinates, and, in fact, take my car. Its reinforced alloy superstructure is far superior to that of your broken down, rusted out shitbox."

"[to Connie, after coming back to Earth] It is not every day a father can give the world to his child."

"[about waiting on his car repairs] Very well. What choice do I have? It is as if you have seized me at the base of my snarglies!"

"[about being stranded on Earth] When the High Master hears of this, he will surely cut off my plargh and hand it to me."

"Maintain low tones with me, maintain low tones."

"If, for some reason your life functions ceased, my most precious one, I would collapse, I would draw the shades and I would live in the dark. I would never get out of my slar pad or clean myself. My fluids would coagulate, my cone would shrivel, and I would die, miserable and lonely. The stench would be great."

"You know, Connie, I read in a magazine that you can talk to me about anything."

"[going into labour] My plubar has broken,....the birth spasm has begun."

"Highmaster: Let it be written... are you writing this?"

"Ronnie: [seeing Connie eat] Whoa! My mother is the only one who could take a sandwich like that."

"Gorman Seedling: You just can't talk religion with some people!"

"Dan Aykroyd as Beldar Conehead / Donald R. DeCicco"

"Jane Curtin as Prymaat Conehead / Mary Margaret Rowney"

"Michelle Burke as Connie Conehead"

"Michael McKean as Gorman Seedling, INS Agent"

"David Spade as Eli Turnbull, Seedling's assistant"

"Chris Farley as Ronnie Bradford, Connie's boyfriend"