"Three days I waited in line at the Kerwan convention center! All I wanted was an autograph. Instead they told us that you were arrested for kidnapping Abercrombie Fizzwidget!"

"I was in a different place back then! All I wanted to do was be just like you. Then I watched as you were involved in scandal after scandal! And every time the Galaxy just forgave you! You’re nothing but one big epic fail! And this time, you’re going to pay! Colon, closed parentheses. I’m out!"

"And to think, all this could have been avoided if you just acted like a real hero! But there are no real heroes, are there? Everyone is working an angle. Well now, so am I!"

"Stuart Zurgo? He used to be captain of the Captain Qwark cadet club! You wrote some really disturbing fanfiction. Yeesh!"

"Oh, hello noobs! I'm guessing by now you realized that I am actually... Stuart Zurgo: the universe's most cunning supervillain! Are your feeble minds blown? Does it gnaw at you knowing that I was right under your noses the entire time?!"

"When I think about how many years I spent worshipping you, it makes me sick. I drew fan art. I moderated the Qwark forums. I even wrote a spec screenplay called "The Adventures of Captain Qwark and Sergeant Zurgo!""

"All right, Q-Force. Our mission is simple. Drive back the gungarian hoard, restore the planetary defense center, and return to the Phoenix for what I can only hope is a galaxy-funded pizza party."

"Next time, I won’t go so easy."

"As long as there's still fight in your fists, I'll take you on as many times as you like!"

"The driving power behind your fists should not be power, but your conviction!"

"Devote your life to me, and become my pawn. Only then will I let you live."

"Feeble creature, just lay down and die."

"The fight doesn't end here. The battle for self-improvement is never-ending."

"It is time to strip you of your powers."

"Josh Keaton as Spider-Man"

"Check me out! I’m the Ghost of Christmas Kick Your Ass!"

"Nolan North as Deadpool"

"I remember your homeworld. It was delicious."

"Steve Blum as Wolverine"

"The ancient forces you draw upon mean nothing to one as old as the universe."

"Behold, The Power Cosmic itself!"

"Kneel before Galactus."

"All must submit to the rule of Galactus."

"Only the Ultimate Nullifier would give me pause."

"Why do you laugh in the face of your own destruction?"

"No amount of training can prepare you for Galactus."

"You were recording that, were you, player? No? What do you mean you weren’t recording that!?"

"Hey, hey! It's Doctor Normal! Well... normal compared to me, anyway."

"OBJECTION! Oh man, that really is fun to say!"

"Aw, that was too easy! Maybe it would have helped if you'd turned off the dark! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"You are not unlike an ant fighting the Sun."

"If you can be a god... then what shall we call Galactus?"

"You are like an amoeba to me."

"Much like the Fantastic Four, you are nothing to me."

"Fred Tatasciore as Hulk"

"I will remind you that without Gold Bolts, there is no money for a Spaceflix subscription."

"Our most interesting proposal."

"I detect danger lurking."

"Nolan North as Nathan Drake"

"Corey Burton as Zeus"

"T.C. Carson as Kratos"

"Max Casella as Daxter"

"Kevin Miller as Sly Cooper"

"Quinton Flynn as Raiden"

"James Arnold Taylor as Ratchet"

"They’ve been rewritten in ancient Mesopotamian. The only translator I know of is in Istanbul!"

"David Kaye as Clank"

"Sly! Focus on as many targets as possible!"

"Careful, careful. A real thief would know just how valuable those are."

"What a lunatic risk! Do you have any idea how many times we almost bought him out there?"